i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
