Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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