My liver just broke up with me...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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