You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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