I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
