Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
