yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
