He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
