i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
