Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
