you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
