**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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