Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
