Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
