Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
