is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
