We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
