Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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