okay pat passed out under dana's car
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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