direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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