Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
