um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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