the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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