i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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