I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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