sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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