Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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