I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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