One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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