I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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