We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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