he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize