Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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