He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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