you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
