It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
