Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
third nipple confirmed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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