Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So here I am, sexting at work.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
