I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
