i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
