where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
