It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
