I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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