Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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