Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
