I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize