he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
