Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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