is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
