im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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