At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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