he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
