I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
