I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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