a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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