I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
