K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
