oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
