Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
