We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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