So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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