Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
the raccoons are back...
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