When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
