She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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