She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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