Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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