Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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