Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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