yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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