I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
