oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
