hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
