True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
