I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize