When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
