Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
