haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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